PACKING A PUNCHLINE
The Welsh challenger hoping a lucky session with Joe Calzaghe in Vegas will help him join the ranks of the comedy heavyweights
If boxing is the hardest profession on the planet, stand-up comedy surely runs it a close second. Indeed there are striking similarities between the two: The unnatural desire to indulge in such a potentially damaging activity. The loneliness. The preparation required to be successful. The mental toughness. And of course, the gladiatorial nature of both jobs. When it comes to the crunch, it’s one man against the rest.
Even the bruising language synonymous with the world of the funny man seems just as appropriate in a boxing ring. If a comic brings the house down, he ‘slays,’ ‘paralyses,’ and ‘cracks them up’ with his ‘punch’ lines. Otherwise he doesn’t just fail, he ‘crashes,’ ‘bombs’, ‘falls flat on his face’ and ‘dies a death.’
Inspired by such symmetry, Welsh comedian Rod Woodward is hoping that he can follow in the footsteps of Britain’s finest fighter and rise to the very summit of his craft - but before that to Las Vegas where his countryman Joe Calzaghe is planning to cement his name in the Hall of Fame as one of the greatest boxers of all time when he fights Bernard Hopkins in April.
Corporate hospitality and promotions company St. David’s Sport and Stage, are planning a strategy that will bring Woodward’s talents to the attention of the nation by showcasing him as part of their travel package for the Hopkins V Calzaghe showdown. Director Kevin Hayde, himself a former champion boxer, is excited by the prospect of discovering a much needed stand-up comedian to represent Wales. ‘Rod is an exceptional talent, and this country is crying out for a top comic. He’s got what it takes to make it to the top, and has a very wide appeal like Lee Evans and Peter Kay. The only thing he needs is the right promotion and exposure.’
At 31, Rod has been plying his trade for twelve years, having taken on his first paid gig as a studio audience warm - up man for a local television company at the tender age of eighteen - coincidentally about the same time as Calzaghe made the leap to the ranks of professional boxing.
‘It was a baptism by fire,’ recalls Woodward. ‘This bus would arrive full of farmers and country folk who looked as if they hadn’t seen a television before, let alone a studio. I’d be halfway through a gag and suddenly a monitor would go on above my head and they’d all look up spellbound like they’d just seen the moon for the first time. I might as well have been talking to myself and after the first day I remember thinking, “this can only get easier.” Imagine my delight when the bus rolled up the following day and out poured the exact same people.
‘Looking back, it was ridiculously young to be doing comedy because you have such limited life experience - the one commodity you really need in this game. But that’s a sign of the times. Doctors and policemen are getting younger. Why not comedians? I look forward to the first comedy foetus. A little baby being pulled out of his mum with a microphone on the end of the umbilical cord, going “Did you hear the one about the sperm and the egg?”
Fast forward thirteen years, a fistful of awards, some fifteen hundred performances - including the PGA and PFA awards, a stint at the Edinburgh festival, appearances in such far flung places as Dubai and Hong King, and a 100 date tour with Paddy McGuinness of Peter Kay fame - and Rod feels he is now ready to strut his stuff on the Vegas strip which has played host to many of his comedy heroes including Robin Williams, Jerry Seinfeld and George Carlin.
‘I love Vegas. It’s a special place for me. I got married to my wife Debbie at the Treasure Island casino - now that’s what I call a gamble! I can’t wait to go back. The plan is to put on a show at one of the hotels for the Calzaghe fans from Wales the night before the big fight. Joe’s supporters are magnificent. They make you proud to be Welsh and if I can contribute to the atmosphere with a bit of comedy it would be a real thrill.
‘I hope they get Tom Jones to sing the Welsh national anthem like they did at the Ricky Hatton fight. Tom’s also a Woodward, you know. I’d love to get a few tips about performing on the strip and in return I’m going to give him a bit of advice about getting some sensible trousers at his age. He’s a pensioner now, and like all older blokes, his trousers are starting to get higher and higher. In the end my grandfather was just a pair of trousers walking round - you had to undo his fly to have a conversation with him. But Tom’s still wearing those leather pants with no give in them. They’re killing him, you can tell by his expression - his eyes are out on storks. He’s got the pants up the ass look on his face. You’d think he’s have no need to do all that hip swivelling any more, but I’m telling you, that’s just the pants out of the ass move!
‘The prospect of doing a gig in Las Vegas very exciting. I’ve always loved watching American stand-ups. They were the first to discover the kind of observational comedy I do, and apart from that Vegas has always been a legendary place to put on any kind of show. But the biggest bonus will be going to the fight. I’ve been a fan of Joe since his first fight against Paul Hanlon at the Cardiff Arms Park which my father, Karl Woodward reported as chief boxing writer for The Western Mail. Joe’s not only in a class of his own in the ring, but also a great guy and an ambassador for the game as his recent BBC Sports Personality of the Year award showed. It’ll be great to get behind him on the biggest night of his career.’
And if Rod Woodward is hoping to become an official mascot of Team Calzaghe, he will receive no better endorsement than that of Joe’s father and trainer, Enzo who was in the audience recently when he also won a BBC competition.
With the title of Welsh King of Comedy now vacant, Funny Business, a new series on screens in January and February, set out to find a new Celtic comedy heavyweight and showcased the humour of 75 hopefuls before Rod was crowned the eventual winner.
‘I met Enzo after the final and he was very complimentary,’ said Woodward. ‘He told my family he’d enjoyed my act and said he had me down on his points card as the winner before the official verdict was announced.
In turn I now predict that he and Joe will prevail across the pond in April and make boxing history - and that’s no joke!’